Back in the (former) USSR

Where've I been? Busy month, including a recently completed trip back to the U.S. of A. to get my Russian visa renewed. Going back for the first time in 11 months was quite a trip... some observations:

America has gotten kinda pudgy...: Here in Moscow you often hear jokes about fat Americans, but it seems that the kernel of truth behind this really is the size of a watermelon. This is what happens when you insist on development that forces you drive everywhere.

... But it still smells nice: I noticed something alarming on the escalator descending into a Washington Metro station. It was that strange, chemical cleanser odor these hermetically sealed concrete tubes have at certain times of the day. It takes me back. If you've seen photos of Moscow's Metro, you know all about the chandeliers and the charming bas relief depictions of Soviet labor. You don't see that every tiny corner stinks like urine (despite, oddly, the overwhelming number of cops standing around at all hours looking menacing). Plus, every subway car once fully loaded (which is always, basically) smells like dirty laundry, B.O., and sweated-out booze.

America really is a Bennetton ad: I had a very long layover at JFK, and spent a little while at a bar in the terminal. Now, for many months in Moscow, it felt like I kept seeing the same person over and over again. So when I first got off the plane, it was quite disorienting to interact with the three people working behind the bar. Mostly it was because it had been a long time since I'd met service industry workers who smiled, chatted, and made eye contact. But also, I couldn't seem to figure out what ethnicity they were. I asked: one El Salvadoran immigrant, one African-American/Dominican, one Italian/Puerto Rican. I think this is awesome.

Crap, that economic crisis is for real: The only firsthand experience I have of the collapsing American economy is watching the dollar's horrendous slide in the past few weeks. But seeing all the "for sale" and "foreclosure" signs around was a real eye-opener. And gas prices!

People seem to have tuned in to politics for a sec: Since all my political news comes from the Internet, an on-demand medium, I was happy to see that everyone back home really seem to be paying attention. I saw it in the media mostly, and granted I was in Washington, but I actually overheard people having heated discussion on the street about Obama and Hillary. (And I have to say, it was an honor to have heard Obama's speech in Philadelphia about the "Wright Controversy." I'm amazed that an American politician in this day and age would take the chilling risk of speaking to the people like they are adults. I hope it doesn't backfire on him.)

Sour cream is still not a major food group: I ate a variety of foods and never once ingested smetana. I also ate seasonings other than dill, including some spices native to warmer climates that caused me no long-term damage. I am still alive.

Three cheers for "Plain Janes": Russian girls lately have developed a reputation for being more "glamorous" than their western peers, and frankly, they can keep it. Not once in the States did I see a woman wearing clothes with unnecessary buckles, frills, straps, corsets or precarious and dangerous heels. Many girls did not appear to have spent an hour on their hair that morning, nor that they applied their makeup with masonry tools. And despite such post-feminist carelessness, there were lots of pretty girls out there. Go fig.

Thank god there is still a place where no one knows what the "World Fashion Channel" is: In Moscow, every single public eating space will feature at least one -- usually more -- mounted plasma screen television tuned to something called the "World Fashion Channel." It is some kind of satellite channel that specializes in endless loops of models strutting on the catwalk, and interviews with various fashion "celebrities" in exotic European locations. I don't know what secret hypnotic power it holds over Russians when they wolf down their borshch and black bread in public, but I suspect it is really dangerous.