Football season in Russia

The start of football season calls to mind crisp autumn days, lazy Sundays at home, tree-lined campuses on Saturday, etc. But when in the “third Rome” … football season is just coming into the homestretch, as the Russian league wraps up. Meanwhile, the European leagues are all getting their seasons underway – either way, football’s always on. So while I am reducing to following the Sox through the homestretch on ESPN Gamecast, there is plenty else for a homesick sports fan to distract himself.

Here in Moscow we get to see a good number of good overseas club matches and international matches. We have a pretty good state-run sports channel, but of course, as with almost everything here, you can’t enjoy it without feeling compromised. A few years ago, you may remember, television channel NTV was the only independent station that was still critical of the Kremlin. But in 2001, the state gas company forcibly bought them out, and many of the journalists took refuge at another smaller station called TVS. Two years later, the state snatched the station up on some trumped up tax issues. And they decided to turn it into a 24-hour sports channel. Bread and circuses indeed.

It is perhaps one of the ironies of the breakup of the Soviet Union that I think it took away the best footballers. Looking at the record, you have to conclude that it was actually the Ukraine that propped up the Soviet Union’s football reputation, and that in their absence has been nothing but primitive tactics and rampant corruption. Russian football – or as the state-run television channels call it, “our football” – is hard to watch. The game is blissfully unaware of the developments and improvements Latin players have brought – no individual flair, no quick graceful passes, no finesse. I think Russians like to believe they play a sound, traditional way, with strategies and tactics. But really, players just thump the ball across the field, run after it, throw a hard tackle, and eventually the big Moscow teams win more games than anyone else. The saddest part of this spectacle are the few foreign-born players in the Russian league – who are hard to miss, as like every other segment of Russian society, people of color stick out. You see them looking lost and forlorn as they play along with this crap, knowing full well if they took some initiative and tried to wing around a defender on their own, or executive a crisp short pass, their manager would hurl his thick Brezhnev era manual of tactics and strategies at his head, and his work visa would get revoked.

My approach to professional sports is multidisciplinary. I am interested in the places, the fans, the history and how all those factors relate to the game. I am not enough of a sports enthusiast to appreciate it for the “game itself.” Nor am I enough of a cynic that I regard it as a matter of interchangeable parts the way a gambler would. So whatever match I am watching I’ll pick a side and stick with them, and if I sat down and thought about it long enough I could probably systematize how I choose which side I support. I suppose I try to gravitate toward underdogs by nature, as an American raised on “Bad News Bears” movies. I always root against Italian teams because they play so ugly. I always root for Dutch teams because I read David Winner’s awesome book about the glory days of Dutch football, “Brilliant Orange,” last year. While I can’t really explain what’s so mind-bending about the way the Dutch play, it sure lends itself to good writing. I will always root against Chelsea because of that Abramovitch. I will lean toward Arsenal because there is something very much akin to them with the Boston Red Sox, in that they are a big-spending team that always seems to be outspent, and have an intensely suffering fanbase that somehow puts up with it year in and year out.

I thought for awhile about choosing a Russian team to follow. While I love the idea of AC Milan or Barca legging out an early Champion’s League qualifier against Luch-Energiya Vladivostock, I decided my team would have to be from Moscow. I married into a Moscow family, and I have always been a homer, so that’s that. And none of the suburban teams will do, so while Saturn could have made a case, they play in Ramenskoe and I don’t even know how to get there.

So we are left with a rather large choice, which is appropriate considering Moscow’s outsized role in Russian life. At the top of the list is Spartak Moskva, which has dominated Russian football since the Soviet breakup. They are clearly out, because in terms of league dominance and potent brand identity of their red and white colors, they’re the friggin’ Yankees. So screw ‘em. Screw ‘em to hell.

CSKA Moskva has made a compelling case, especially after winning the UEFA Cup in 2005, which was something of jolt in the football world because Russian teams suck in European competition. But they are the military pet team, and afrorementioned villain Abramaovitch gave them a multimillion dollar “gift” recently, so the stench of multiple rats is just too great.

We also have Dinamo Moskva, who have pretty spiffy blue and white and kit and a long tradition, but they were Dzerzhinsky’s team, and they were always closely connected to the MVD. So much so that their opposing fans call them “Musora,” which means “garbage” and is a very rude nickname for the police. So they are right out. FC Moskva is the newest kid on the block, but they are actually partially owned by the city itself, and Mayor Luzhkov, so forget it.

That leaves us with the best contender, Lokomotiv Moskva. They have a long association with the railroad union, and are still majority owned by Russian State Railways. They have a spiffy green and red kit, and generally I don’t see neckless hooligans wearing their colors on the subway, though I have seen bright-eyed young kids with jobs pretending to be hooligans on the weekends wearing it. So, in Moscow derbies, they are my squad, but frankly I don’t think enough of them to really take the ride. And I must confess, I kind of like not caring enough to get worked up about it!