T-shirt writing job is OK

One of the enduring fads around here are random phrases and words in Latin letters printed on them. Often, they are just clusters of separate words about a particular subject (“surf” “sail” “ocean” “beach” etc). But sometimes they get more ambitious, and they never have a proofreader. The results can be hilarious, and I've seen a lot this summer around the city. Though they haven’t quite reached the heights of hilarity I've heard from friends who have spent time in China, Russia is doing alright on the unintentional public comedy scale. To be perfectly honest, I feel bit guilty about making fun of people like this. For whatever weird reason, clothing is incredibly expensive here. So for most Russians -- the overwhelming majority that aren't even anywhere near the "small but growing middle class" I keep reading about in the western press -- their apparel options are limited. To assuage my conscience I’ve removed all examples except the ones that made me actually laugh or snicker in public…

A young man on the subway wearing a camouflage t-shirt with the words: “Special Units: Progress Report.” (Apparently even spetsnaz have to deal with paperwork these days.) A middle-aged woman, on the subway, wearing a blouse featuring Japanese anime women with cartoon bubbles that read: “You job is okay!” Young man on Ulitsa Zhivapisnaya, wearing a black t-shirt with a line drawing of a scuba diver and the words, “Optimist Deep Diving School.” (Presumably, it’s better than the Pessimist Deep Diving School down the road.) An attractive young woman walking along Gogolevsky Bulvar wearing a dowdy brown plaid and demin vest. On the back, stenciled with pink glitter: “High Voltage / Stay Away” A fashionable young man walking around the Shchuka mall, wearing a powder blue t-shirt with several WWII vintage American Army Air Corps emblems. Stamped in block letters on the back the words: “Air Soda” This one is a thinker: On the Metro in the afternoon, a young man who was the epitome of contemporary Russian club-guy fashion. He wore shades, sported a discreet mullet (which is okay in Russia, but that is an entire post in itself), wore faded jeans with lots of patches and carefully frayed threads, and a tight, bright pink polo shirt. On it was written, in giant cursive letters in rhinestones, “Nothing is at it seems.”

And the winner by several lengths…

Young man walking down Ulitsa Marshala Vasilevskovo one morning wearing a black bowling shirt. On the back was an image of a beach and a palm tree, and written around it: “Hotel El Camino / Firetrap / Positive Vibrations”